Sex, Drugs, and Rock n’ Roll
Haircut went well. Feeling brand-spankin’-new! It’s amazing how something as stupid as a haircut can change your outlook on life.
Anyway. SUMMER IS JUST AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER. Which makes me want to grab life by the horns and not waste any time acting my age. This means that I want to do lots and lots (and THIS means that there will be PLENTY of lists coming up, so stay tuned, folks!) of shit like go to amusement parks, get my septum pierced, get totally trashed (in a responsible way…?), try some drugs, have a threesome (LOL, JK STARBUCK, I LOVE YOU). I’ve never wanted to do any of these things before until now, and you know what? I’m fucking young, bitches! Now’s the time!
I confessed to Starbuck last night that I feel like two people at once. One part hates the idea of drugs; she’s a total judgmental snob and wonders why anyone would do something like that. Other other part is STARVING for some new experiences. THAT part of me wants to try every drug under the sun (well, except for heroin and meth and crack—that shit’s scary, guys). And THAT part of me also feels some guilt because she wants to try pot, acid (or shrooms), ecstasy, and coke. Problem is, that when I found out Starbuck was doing coke at the beginning of our relationship, I firmly put my foot down and expressed high disapproval (see? I’m a snob), and she’s never used it since.
But NOW’s a different story.
I started asking her what it was like, I’m so goddamn curious. She said that she really liked it, and if it didn’t melt your brain like that one article said, she’d keep doing it. So OF COURSE that only made me want to do it more. (Actually, I had a dream where I was addicted to coke, and I was EATING PILES OF IT, like in Scarface. It was probably a result of watching that one episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Sweet Dee becomes a drug addict.)
In the end, we agreed that I cannot do coke if she cannot do coke, partially because it’s only fair, but also because IT MELTS YOUR BRAIN and she really doesn’t want me to be in danger. It’s sweet, really. Besides, I just remember that Starbuck’s ex-girlfriend is the one who first introduced Starbuck to coke, and it instantly makes it something with which I don’t want to associate myself. That drug’s tainted, if you will, by the bitterness of my girlfriend’s ex (who’s a cunt, from what I’ve heard). BESIDES besides, I could never live with myself if I ever did do coke, because that would be the same as supporting the horrible, horrible drug war that has claimed thousands upon thousands of my fellow Mexicans. So, there’s that.
Following the coke agreement, I asked Starbuck if she’d ever want to try ecstasy, and she said she’d have to learn more about it. The Wikipedia page lists the positive and negative effects, and honestly they sound very similar to the effects of coke. It starts out with super-awesome-euphoric-sexy-dance time, and then it plummets into “FUCK EVERYTHING I WANT TO DIE PASS ME THE RAZOR BLADE” time when it wears off. So you have to gauge the positives and negatives. Gotta decide if it’s worth it…
But for now, no hard drugs for me. Starbuck made me promise to stay drug-free until I have medical insurance. She’s really worried that something will go wrong, and that I’d rack up a huge medical bill that I’ll never be able to pay. She’s right, of course. She’s always so goddamned rational. Sigh. The good thing is that pot is allowed, and we both know people who smoke it, so getting it is no problem. I would want to start out with a relatively harmless substance first, anyway.
Let me just note that I’m very pleased with Starbuck’s reaction to all of this. She’s fully committed to maintaining an open dialogue between us. Instead of berating me or calling me a hypocrite or judging me about expressing these views, she’s understanding and just wants me to be safe. This girl, man. She’s truly amazing. It’s hard to even believe she’s real sometimes.
Phew! Moving on…
I want to go to more rock shows! I want to be part of a crowd and dance and connect to the music in a dark, crowded place. I wanna let loose, get rid of inhibitions. But I can’t do any of this without money. And I fuckin’ HATE my job. Ugh.
C’est la vie.